Wednesday, June 06, 2012


(My perfect little angels)

   I felt like a bad mom today.
   Last night Blake woke up at 10pm, 2:20am, 4:45am, and 6am. I was grumpy. Usually Blake is easy to put down for his naps, but today it seemed like I had to rock him three or four times before he would finally settle. Then he would wake up half an hour later. Because he was tired, everywhere we went in the car, he was screaming. I felt like screaming, too. I put him down at 6:30pm tonight hopeful that he would have an easier time tonight. He's already woken up and been rocked back to sleep three times. Did I mention James is in Brazil for five more days?
Annie was whiney today and I just couldn't cope with it. She is actually whiney every day, but it was totally magnified today. Me: "It's time to clean up your room." Annie: "I'm sooooo tired (insert fake cry)." This after she was playing joyfully outside with the neighbor for the last thirty minutes. This isn't abnormal, but I just. couldn't. take it. It finally ended with me giving a warning, her immediately not heeding the warning, and her crying and throwing a fit in her bedroom while I read Natalie a story in mine. I was too short with her today. I yelled too much. Not exactly how I want to be as a mother, and unfortunately my reactions to her just made me feel worse.
   Natalie just chose to lose it after the littlest things today. For instance, she started crying dramatically when I told her she could have a cookie, but just after dinner. It was because she had asked for half a cookie earlier in the day and had not gotten it thinking she had to wait for me to get it, even though I had given her permission to get it herself. I was kind of in awe that she threw a fit over this, considering I was now offering not half a cookie, but a whole cookie, but just after she ate her dinner. I mean, it's nothing new at our house that we don't eat dessert until after dinner!
   Why is it, that when I am functioning on so little sleep, all of my children choose to try my patience extra hard? Are they feeding off of my stress or is it just "when it rains, it pours"?
   I did have an answer to a prayer today though. It was after hearing Blake cry after I had put him down for his nap for the third time. I was so tired, and I wanted to lay down on the floor and cry. I said a quick prayer and asked Heavenly Father to help me, I was tired and I just needed a little strength. After my prayer, I told myself I would make my bed and then go and get Blake. While I was making my bed, I had the thought that instead of trying to put Blake back to sleep I would go get him and take the kids over to the park for a little bit. I know this was so simple, but I really do feel it was an answer to my prayer. That's just what I needed at that exact moment. I needed to get out of my house and just take a moment to sit on the bench and have some peace and quiet. The rest of the day was still hard. I still had plenty of moments where I wanted to burst into tears. I probably should have said a few more prayers. But I was grateful that my prayer was answered, however simple that answer might have been.
   Even though today was a bad day, I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better. And I love my kids, I'm so glad to be their Mom. Just let me go have a good cry and I'll be ready to be a better Mom tomorrow.